This content discusses self-harm, please read with care. There are details of where to find help at the bottom of this page.
Around 20% of young people have self-harmed.1 That’s equivalent to one in every five teens. There are many reasons why a young person might self-harm. It could be due to bullying, difficulties at home, low self-esteem or something else entirely.
If you are a young person and you have self-harmed or considered self-harming, it’s important to know that it’s possible to learn new ways to cope. With support and information, you can begin to feel better.
Our guide will help you understand more about self-harm and what to do if you are worried about yourself or someone else.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm typically refers to behaviours that lead to bodily harm as a result of overwhelming feelings or difficult emotions. Self-harm can take many forms, such as:
- Cutting
- Burning
- Punching walls
- Hitting yourself
Self-harm usually starts because a young person has a build-up of difficult or distressing feelings that they want to manage. The relief that comes from self-harm is temporary and is quickly followed by guilt and shame. This becomes a cycle which can feel difficult to get out of.
It’s important to remember that most people who hurt themselves don’t want to die. It’s often a way for them to cope with overwhelming and distressing thoughts or feelings. Nevertheless, it’s important to take self-harm seriously.
Signs of self-harm to look out for
Self-harming behaviour isn’t always obvious. However, you can look out for the following signs that might suggest someone is hurting themselves:
- unexplained cuts, bruises or marks
- covering up all the time, even in hot weather
- acting quieter than usual
- withdrawal or isolation from everyday life
- lacking energy
- signs of depression such as low mood, tearfulness or a lack of motivation or interest in things they once found interesting
- changes in mood or mood swings, for example, becoming more aggressive than usual
- talking about self-harming or suicide
- changes in eating or sleeping habits
- misusing drugs or alcohol
- expressing feelings of failure, uselessness or loss of hope
- risk-taking behaviours
- signs of low self-esteem such as blaming themselves for any problems or saying they are not ‘good enough.
These signs may not always mean someone is self-harming. They could indicate a mental health difficulty such as anxiety or depression. It’s also possible that there will be no warning signs when someone is hurting themselves. If you’re worried someone may be self-harming, it’s important to speak openly, honestly, and without blame.
For tips on how to talk to someone about self-harm, read our full guide.
Why do people self-harm?
There isn’t one single reason why people self-harm. Some young people feel more of an urge to self-harm when they’re angry, while others turn to self-harm when they’re worried or depressed. Often, it comes down to not knowing how to express the emotions they are feeling.2
Some events that may trigger the urge to self-harm include2:
- Difficulties at home
- Arguments or problems with friends
- School pressures
- Bullying
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Low self-esteem
- Dissociation (feeling numb, ‘unreal’, or disconnected from your body)
- Transitions and changes, such as changing schools
If you have experienced one or more of these things and you are finding it difficult to cope, know that there are many alternatives to self-harm. Talking to someone you trust or a healthcare professional can help you find other ways to cope.
Tips on how to stop self-harming
Once you start self-harming, it can be difficult to stop. Yet, learning alternative strategies to manage your emotions when you feel distressed or upset can help you get out of this cycle.
Here are four strategies you can use to cope with your difficult feelings instead of self-harming.
1. Talk to someone
It can help to talk to a friend, family member or adult you trust when you feel overwhelmed. Letting someone know what you are thinking and feeling can relieve some of the pressure. If you’re unsure how to start the conversation, try writing out what you want to say or using a list of words to describe your emotions.
If you’re still nervous about opening up and don’t know where to start, you could say:
- ‘I need to talk to you about something I’ve been struggling with. It’s really difficult to say, but I need your support."
- ‘I’ve been going through a tough time, and I’ve found myself dealing with things in ways that I’m not happy about. I want to talk to you about it because I trust you.’
- ‘Lately, I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed, and I’ve been dealing with it by hurting myself. I think I need help to get through this.’
2. Make a ‘safe box’
A safe box is a toolkit that can help you when you’re feeling overwhelmed and have the urge to harm yourself. You can include whatever keeps you calm and makes you feel good in your safe box.
Here are some examples of what you might include:
- Your list of people you can speak to when you need to.
- Activities such as a colouring book or pages.
- Your favourite book, music playlist or movie.
- Sensory objects, such as items with a strong smell or unusual texture.
- A list of things to do that calm you when you feel upset or triggered.
- A list of statements or reminders about yourself, such as ‘My feelings are important, but I don’t have to act on them,’ or ‘It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. I’ve gotten through it in the past.’
3. Do something you enjoy
Self-harm does not define you. There is more to you than self-harm. Doing things you enjoy can help remind you of this and make you happy. The activities you choose are completely your choice. It could be a sport you enjoy or a creative hobby such as writing or art.
To help you figure out what activities, places or people make you feel content and safe, you can ask yourself:
- What makes me feel most energised?
- When do I feel most calm or joyful?
- What makes me feel most connected to others?
- Who do I feel like the best version of myself around?
- What activity have I always wanted to try?
4. Surf the urge
‘Urge Surfing’ is a mindfulness technique that can help you manage your need to self-harm. The trick is to accept the thoughts associated with the urge without acting on it. Like a wave, if you allow yourself to surf the urge, it will eventually lose strength.
When you feel an urge, try to:
- Observe it: Close your eyes and notice where you feel the urge in your body. Describe it without judgement - does it feel hot, cold, heavy or tight? Does it have a colour or size?
- Accept it: Acknowledge the urge without fighting it. Remember, the feeling is okay, and you don’t have to act on it.
- Notice your breathing: Simply observe your breath moving in and out without trying to change it.
- Bring your attention back to your body: Return your attention to where you felt the urge. Has it changed? If it grows stronger, pay attention to your breathing again. Send kindness to yourself and the area of discomfort.
You can find more tips on how to stop self-harming in our guide.
Further support and information
Talking to someone is often the first step to breaking the cycle of self-harm. Speaking to someone about what you’re going through can not only help you feel less alone, but their support can also be the first step towards recovery.
If talking to someone about your self-harm feels scary, it’s okay. Asking for help can be difficult. However, know that there are lots of support options available to you if and when you want to talk about what you are going through.
Therapy for self-harm
If you choose to speak to your GP about self-harm, they will likely offer you talking therapy. Here are the most common talk therapy options:
Alternatively, you can find a therapist through The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) online directory.
Email:
bacp@bacp.co.uk
www.bacp.co.uk
Self-help and other resources
There are also a number of charities and self-help groups that can support you. Some of these are:
- Mental Health Foundation Our website offers information on mental health, coping with mental health problems, and support services in the UK.
- Young Minds Young Minds is a charity offering free mental health support for young people.
- Self Injury Support Provides expert advice, self-help resources, and a free helpline. Tel: 0808 800 8088
- Childline A counselling service for young people under 19 years old.
- LifeSIGNS Provides information and support on self-injury.
- Alumina Offers free, seven-week online courses for young people who self-harm.
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If you are feeling like ending your life or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please call 999 or go to A&E and ask for the contact of the nearest crisis resolution team. These are teams of mental health care professionals who work with people in severe distress. If you feel affected by the content you have read, please see our get help page for support.
References
- Staring, L., Kiekens, G., & Kirtley, O. J. (2023). The epidemiology of nonsuicidal self-injury and self-harm in nonclinical samples: Population-level trends. In The Oxford Handbook of Nonsuicidal Self-Injury (pp. 107–126). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197611272.013.7
- Taylor, P. J., & others. (2024). The functions of nonsuicidal self-injury. In E. E. Lloyd-Richardson, I. Baetens, & J. L. Whitlock (Eds.), The Oxford Handbook of Nonsuicidal Self-Injury. Oxford Library of Psychology. Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197611272.013.10
- Chapman, A. L., Hood, P., & Turner, C. J. (2023). Cognitive-behavioral and dialectical behavior therapy for nonsuicidal self-injury. In The Oxford handbook of nonsuicidal self-injury (pp. 1112–1126). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780197611272.013.55